John

John.

You are the puppy to my poet.  The poet to my desert.  The adventure to my question.

When I got my couch from you over 3 1/2 years ago now, I remember seeing you jump out of the ground floor window in your cut off jean shorts and your white t-shirt.  My heart just knew I loved you, instantly.  Chickens running around the backyard.  My first Bay Area summer.

holiday party 2011, and you showed up solo.
beach camp out january 2012, and i was so sick.
yoga on my woolsey bedroom floor, being dinosaurs.
birthday party june 2012. hot tub cliff paradise.
briefest of flings, where everything is ok.
moving my new couch part 2, smoking at ocean beach nighttime.
letters, quiet hum of my heart.
acroyoga on potrero. heart thrill.
dance parties.
love letters.

Your buoyant and expansive heart.
Bodhisattva--so compassionate and so here.  So unassuming.
So sharp.
So playful playful playful playful.

I feel seen and held when you're around.  I'm really going to miss having you in my immediate vicinity, and I'm excited for the letter writing and new layers and unpeeling into next iterations of this deep friendship.

So grateful for the opportunities to explore and ecstatically jump around and discover heart playgrounds with you.

So Much Happiness

It is difficult to know what to do with so much happiness.

With sadness there is something to rub against, 
a wound to tend with lotion and cloth.
When the world falls in around you, you have pieces to pick up,
something to hold in your hands, like ticket stubs or change.

But happiness floats.
It doesn't need you to hold it down.
It doesn't need anything.
Happiness lands on the roof of the next house, singing,
and disappears when it wants to.
You are happy either way.
Even the fact that you once lived in a peaceful tree house
and now live over a quarry of noise and dust
cannot make you unhappy.
Everything has a life of its own,
it too could wake up filled with possibilities
of coffee cake and ripe peaches,
and love even the floor which needs to be swept,
the soiled linens and scratched records…..

Since there is no place large enough
to contain so much happiness,
you shrug, you raise your hands, and it flows out of you
into everything you touch. You are not responsible.
You take no credit, as the night sky takes no credit
for the moon, but continues to hold it, and share it,
and in that way, be known.

-Naomi Shihab Nye

Jordana

Jordana.

Being at your wedding this past summer was the biggest recalibration towards joy my heart has experienced in years, since living in Israel with you.

The way you walk the path of "good," of honest and simple and real, authentic, deep joy, is such deep medicine for me.  Me who, for reasons I'm still exploring, is attracted to suffering and complexity.  Being in your company is a remembering.

Seeing, and more importantly, feeling how you love Itamar.  It feels real--like a plant I can see growing in the earth in front of me.  Feels real like a real and good thing, with real smells and real sounds when it's brushed and shaken in the wind.  Something I can wrap my arms around.  The community that gathered for your wedding felt like a remembering.  Real people, with real feelings, who I could see and be seen by.  After 3 days in Vancouver, I could actually feel my body more, feel my feet walking on the floor.  Just the remembering .... oh, here I am.

At the end of the reception, Itamar was giving blessings to everyone.  He pulled me aside in the lobby and said: 'Megan, you are so insecure.  I came from so much dark, from the darkest of the dark, and now I'm here.  So much light is possible. Just let it go.'

And with the depth with which I trust your goodness, my heart trusted: the dark clouds around my heart parted just a little bit, just a crack of fresh air and bright light--  ...This is possible.  And I'm good.  I'm a good person, and I deserve light and happiness.

I am so immensely grateful for the journey we've already been on, and for the re-weaving I know we're still to walk.

I'm so excited to ACTUALLY meet Wesley.
Grateful for the short hair example you set for me.

Grateful for and so happily nostalgic about our nature party rompings.
Grateful for all the incredible offerings of generosity to share in your home.
Grateful for the consistent support and love I feel from you.
Grateful for the little gchats saying hello, even when I'm floating around.
Grateful for how you love to support and mentor younger humans.
Grateful for how stylishly you put yourself together.
Grateful for the place in your eyelashes that you once had chicken pox.
Grateful for how much you love your mother.
Grateful for how much you revel in Itamar's growth.
Grateful for how loyal you are.

May our journey continue and deepen in an ever more intimate spiral.
I love you mama lady.
x